Once, I told you everything I knew.
I believed you could too.
Then an absence came
like a monsoon
to fill the ever widening gulf
that was always there
but remained unseen.
Once, you struggled.
You asked me about my life
I told you scraps
and you picked at them for a while
before leaving dry crumbs
on the cold pavement floor.
Once, you struggled.
I asked you how you were
because my blood was numb
I just wanted to know how you were
and you said
“I’m fine.”

A Rebuke…

Unto the pure all things are pure: but unto them that are defiled and unbelieving is nothing pure; but even their mind and conscience is defiled.


They profess that they know God; but in works they deny him, being abominable, and disobedient, and unto every good work reprobate.


Taken from Titus 1: 15, 16

I didn’t fully understand what ‘reprobate’ meant, so I looked it up in the dictionary:


  [rep-ruh-beyt]  Show IPA noun, adjective, verb, rep·ro·bat·ed, rep·ro·bat·ing.



a depraved, unprincipled, or wicked person: a drunken reprobate.

a person rejected by God and beyond hope of salvation.
Now that is scary. I received the passage in a text yesterday night. It led me to ask myself, do I really believe the God that I serve? Is it shown in my actions? 
Time won’t permit me to write a lengthy post this morning; I need to get ready for a funeral, but in due course I’ll be writing Part 2 to Lust. Now I’ve gained a deeper understanding of the word…

Just a plug for a great group of people…

Check out this group on Youtube. They’re called The PreachingPlace777. They’re just a bunch of ordinary guys from churches all around London, spreading the gospel and sharing sermons and testimonies. The testimonies are the most inspiring; makes you realise how powerful God can be.

Yesterday evening they planned an evangelistic event at Westfields, Shepherd’s Bush. Quite a few of us went there, handing out fliers for the church; singing, preaching and sharing testimonies. It was fun to take part, but it made the whole thing worth it when I came home and heard that a few people had requested Bible studies.

This is the promo video for the event last night, ‘I Will Preach for Jesus’.

Two unbelievable testimonies:

Dean Cullinane

Andrew Fuller

Go on, take a look! You’ll definitely be blessed.

“The Devil is a Liar”

I’ve heard people say this a lot and even though I know how much grief and trouble he has put people through, I’ve never taken time to really acknowledge what the phrase meant until now. This past year I’ve been through two major trials and they both came during and immediately after my conversion. At first I thought it was a coincidence, but now I realise how much the Devil tries to get us to renounce God, to compromise our faith and turn a blind eye to our beliefs.

What’s worse; he knows our weaknesses. I’ll refer you to my first trial, which involves someone at my previous university. I’m a feminist by nature and throughout my teenage years I was put off by the idea of marriage and relationships in general. I didn’t get into any; thought they weren’t worth all the fuss that I’d seen my friends and family go through. But then a guy stepped into my life and I completely re-evaluated my standpoint. He was artistic, he wrote poems about me, he was sweet and kind and he called me something that no one’s called me before.

He called me a woman.

This may seem like a really small thing, but for me, who’s been treated like a child more as I get older (how does that work?) it meant the world to me. I felt respected, like a real independent, free-thinking woman. I had never thought of myself as one before (I know it sounds weird). He saw me in a light that few people have seen me in.

But this guy was an atheist. And a lot of the time, I found myself preaching to him. It proved frustrating for both of us, I think. I’m sure he got bored of me harping on about God all the time; I felt hurt that he found “nothing of merit” in religion. We’re still friends, thankfully, and we write each other letters. I keep him in my prayers because he’s really a good guy, but I knew that going out with him wouldn’t work if I was one thing and he was another. It was a hard decision because I very nearly compromised my faith, but when I looked back in hindsight, I was able to see things for what they were. I was very, very tempted.

The second trial really, really pains me to think about. It’s still ongoing and has more or less split my family in two. The only practising Christians in the family are my dad and me, and we’re Sabbath keepers to boot. We’ve both been called to choose between a family member and the Sabbath–Gods Sabbath. We both decided we’d choose God. There’s also a Catholic involved in this, which makes it worse because the changing of the Sabbath from the seventh day of the week to the first day (Sunday) was a Catholic practice, so this family member of mine is being influenced by a lot of … unfortunate viewpoints. This has been the biggest decision I’ve ever had to make for God. I questioned myself a lot. Surely God doesn’t want me to upset my family? Should I just pretend I’m not a Seventh Day Adventist for a day and pray for forgiveness afterwards? This text kept coming back to me:

 37He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

 38And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.

 39He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.

That’s from Matthew 10. The other text that has kept me going these past few months has been 1 Corinthians 10:13 :

 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

I have people praying for this situation. I know God can make a way, whatever happens. I have to remember to be faithful to Him, even if I have to go against family. In the end, my family can’t save me: that’s Jesus’ job.

The Devil is a Liar, but God is faithful.